You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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