we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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