i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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