Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
