I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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