so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
