Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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