Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
