Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
