I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
