I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
