Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
