Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
