if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
