why didn't you poke me back
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
