I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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