There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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