I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
