He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
