you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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