had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need to calm my uterus...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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