Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pants are for mortals
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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