My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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