you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
