Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
