I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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