Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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