i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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