U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize