last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
