I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
