I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
