dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm at about main and main street
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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