It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You ruined the universe
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