This is not my ceiling
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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