Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You ruined the universe
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
