Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
