Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
