he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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