i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
