My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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