I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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