i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
