I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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