this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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