So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
