first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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