The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
