Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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