is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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