He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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