No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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