Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
