It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
