I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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