i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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