Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize