wakey wakey hands off snakey
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
