i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
