I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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