Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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