Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
