the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
