She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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