he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
