I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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