I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
