Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
