My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Drake has all the answers
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
