The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
