We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
