I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
