How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
