I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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