If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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