So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
